Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
