I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
