dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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