have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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