Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
