I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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