the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
