is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
