it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i think i just lost a toe
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