i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
