That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
