you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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