I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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