problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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