everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
