He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
