That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
