Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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