Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
