I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
