he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
