I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
