so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
