You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
