I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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