Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
