In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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