So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
