My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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