I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
