who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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