Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
