Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
