About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
