return my video game
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
