His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
