1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
