Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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