you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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