I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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