you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
