My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
