think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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