I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
