we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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