I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
