When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
