Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
