I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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