I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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