Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
