so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
