my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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