im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
