Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
