weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
