can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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