I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
