what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
