Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
