well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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