At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
