somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
