i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
