Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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