well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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