summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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