Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
