I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
