would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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